If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
