Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
