She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
