Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
