Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize