I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
