I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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