Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
