Pappa wants mamma naked
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
