i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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