I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
