We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
