what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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