Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
