You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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