fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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