how can u be prego again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
