I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
