I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
