he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
