just come out here and I will go home with you...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm really busy with my period
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