does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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