Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize