All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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