my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
