filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
