Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
