Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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