New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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