If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
