So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
