So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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