I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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