hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
