why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize