Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
