everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
