Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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