The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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