The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
