the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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