do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
