I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
