Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
