dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
