yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you win again, gameday.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
