Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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