I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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