I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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