I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
