they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
