guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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