i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
