Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
