mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
