I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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