Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
