Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
