Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
