Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
