Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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