Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
