like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
