Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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