If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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