I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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