he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
