you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
