Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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