when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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