is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
