haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
