you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
