You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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