i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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