i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
