guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
