he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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