My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my poor anus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
