We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
