I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I color on your dick again?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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